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npsea;Normal People See Everything Aimlessly;

2001; learning to see beyond what is there;
2002; learning a language to translate what you envision;

days of 2002;

who are we?
what are they?
we always create value for ourselves;
only we see the value because it is actually worthless;
hell must be where one can feel;
then hell must be here;
all that we go through,
suffering in pain,
unaware of our punishments;
happiness is but poor disillusions of value in life;
time is a tide;
it comes; it goes;
whatever comes back is never the same;
it never stays the same;
it never stays;
a new me; a growing me;
not the usual me....guess I'm trying to change...tired with my life.....want improve. not going to think too much abt it.....go with the there work? haven't left home to go "out field" in ages......takes a loss to realise a gain. fun? i guess i'm not a fun person....or I have a weird sense of the word fun.... life is not abt a lifestyle.....lobo life is not abt enjoying, life is not abt enjoying either...neither am i enjoying life. no need luck with ogl, just be myself. sigh. life
why do people have to keep telling others how good they are?
goodness is silent;
it doesn't need to be told;
realise that I am not the only one;
that my experiences are not the only one;
learn not too harp;
learn to move on;
not to take it to heart;
let it go; :)
why didn't anyone teach me this?
cos life doesn't come with an instruction manual!
went to church today;
a first in many years;
felt the synergy;
felt the calmness;
what's important?
a song; a smile;
yet we seek others;
others whom they say are important;
who cares about everyone else;
just care about what is important;
alot of thoughts run
as i lay in bed
how can there logically be a God
who overlooks, records and accounts for every single one of us?
Of course he has his angels,
but it must be an organised goverenment on a  very large scale;
but of course there is no logic in life,
nor in death;
so I am not alone;
stef feels lonely too;
it's not easy to be contented is it?
if i were to die in 2 months time;
who would i rush to?
who will I tell?
what will i do?
will i have regrets?
it will be comforting;
to not worry; 
watching too much atumn in the heart;
feeling alone in this fabricated city;
i miss the old world;
where a tune was everything;
where a figure was an idol;
where i was in at the centre;
i miss those old times
where an album was my bible;
is life about living with little pricks;
learning to overcome them;
to taste the mild sweetness;
haven't played in the sea in a very long time;
relived my childhood memories last night under the moodlight;
in a sea of silver waves;
the bubbles, an aftertaste of the sea; "
ust like beer!" Eug said
I'll never look at beer the same way again.  
silent all these years; we don''t hear the silence; she does;
what's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
i need to be taken care of; not to take care of others;
i seem so strong at times; yet i am always feeling so helpless;
who hears me? who helps me?
life just goes on;
impatience is my worse emotion;
the exams are finally over; a sigh of relief; a time to review;
in the beginning beauty was sourced at the final
beauty is sourced in the beginnning;
been studying like crazy for the past few days; paper today; crazy day;
ever heard of hints during a test? it happened today; killer paper; ARGH!
today is the last day; no more studio; so called end of yr 1; no emotions; everyone else was happy; don't know why i feel abt scared. kinda sad though; all the people I know; will be separated; maybe I'm scared of being lonely;
at the end of it all, a little bird flew onto my shoulder; staying there; I wanted to reach out to it; but it flew away; :)
6 days and my model is done; sigh; finally; jumping with joy; :)
cut myself AGAIN! all this model making a taking a toil on me;
day 2 of gruelling model making; my finger is bandaged; i cut myself;
extreme levels of frustration and anger; wonder how i have  ever survived;
I've realised that I am more and more like my old self; frustrated; tempermental;
what ever happened to all that I've learnt? 
I dreamt a dream; that I was in marina square; but it looked different; it was a different building; grander and warmer; a portion was under construction with lifts and stairs that changed in the air ; or so I thought; it turned out to a section reserved to showcase that particular design; ?
I realise that I need interaction;
it's not my day today; met many obstacles; overcome many stops;
didn't make it pass chinatown; guess i didn't have enough luck; wf;
I want to liberate myself; free myself from all these chains that I have locked myself with;
an ant followed me to school today; imagie my delight to see someone familiar;
it has been a unforgiving week; so much so that i am falling sick;
words that you want to hear; words that bring you fear;
warmth in your heart;
a dream of death; a funeral procession down a small town street;
a dream set in the middle ages; two one hundred year old corpses appear as though they are asleep; one awakes telling me to put in one hundred seats;
a sinister state; a degeneration to the old self;
a state of confusion; a trial between good and evil; where I stand is unclear;

I miss being extremely sad, extremely angry......they seem to flow out so smoothly; now my smiles are so false, at times I wonder why i even talk to anyone else;

until today, I still ponder;
freedom and happiness when I am away from the others;
a nite of wonder; alot of questions;
morning shoot at ungodly hours; visited the haven of Jimmy Lim; a fantastic experience;
late night filming; four shadows stared by others in the darkness; now I know how it feels to be
an actor; tiring; but the drive pushes you on;
walking around in the heat, capturing scenes of Chinatown;
moving onto kl in the wee hours of the morning; received thanks by some  for what I did;  
hot and sunny; 
a fly flew into the room; it had no idea what was going on; neither do we know the panic it felt;

my strength is my weakness;so true; so true;

food;food;and more food;

tomorrow is Chinese New Year; I felt so tired that I collapsed onto the bed and found myself refusing to awake; I suddenly feel like writing; writing a letter to myself;

I chose to suffer; but I didn't have to endure any as I enjoyed myself; finally finished work after a week of hectic scheduling;

Faye Wong visited singapore; dressed in a vintage style;
smiling; cheerful; where was I? in the studio; WF;

drive is the dark; policemen collecting parking fees; keys unlocked; locks left open; dreaming; dreaming;

so much feelings I feel;
so much lightness in my heart;

a relaxing visit; a quiet spot; a restful visit to appease the heart;

why is it that people can be so bossy even though you are helping them? and why should I make myself suffer when I can choose to enjoy?

i seem to be fascinated by my tooth; I bought a tooth inspired container; want to get a matching lamp too; got caught in floods though;

lots of questions, lots of crazy thoughts; is it worth it?
my worries I believe are not unfound;

why is it that I always feel warm and fuzzy when I listen to faye wong in orange light?

my dentist wanted to be an architect; removed my third wisdom tooth today; can't believe that I actual went ahead to do it; my mouth feels kinda empty now;

must have been "sleepwalking" too much; there is something I am trying to recall; it must have gone "sleepwalking" too;

was "sleepwalking" today; haven't done that in a long time;

I have come to realise that I am not alone; there are others out there too; that's comforting;

I've fallen in love with the past; to the times I didn't exist; to have a taste of flavours I will never experience in whole;

I looked out the window today and saw a mad man; we are all mad; just that we don't see it; we chase after what cannot be seen;

bitterness is a vicious thing; it blinds the eyes; it hardens the heart; it leads to disappointment; it breaks my heart;

I felt a sharp pain; as though someone placed a needle in my head; frustrations prick me worse; like swords through my heart;

dreaming of shooting stars; how minute we are in the universe; how beautiful the world is;

first day of school; a different feeling;a different world;

sadness is contagious; it has already been passed down three generations;

the city is glowing with lights; concealing the stars above; the only ones we see; our hopes and dreams we cast in wishes;

watched the others; loved the different point of view; the turning of tables;

spent the last hour of the year helping someone; while watching in the mood for love;


web of deceit? angular pleasure;

thoughts;emotions; | SHIFTing | graphics | pavilion; | kl | house; the power of fragility | capture the moment